Showing posts from 2012

Athletes and Domestic Violence: Why I started with the NFL first

Many of you might remember me writing a post about why I started the NFL Domestic Violence petition. Well, this time I am going to talk about athletes and domestic violence and eventually will elaborate again on why I chose to start with the NFL. Notice that I said start with, so that means I am open to petition other sports organizations but I chose to start with the NFL.

Now, the NFL is the number ONE sport in the United States and ranks number 10 in the world. Now that is huge. There are so many people who enjoy and love the sport of football. Now, yes every sport has players that have been involved in domestic violence incidents. In recent news, we have heard about soccer player Hope Solo and her husband Jerramy Stevens (Former NFL Player), we have heard about Dez Bryant and Chad Johnson( Formally known as Ocho Cinco) but I cannot help but to point out the fact that majority of the time when you hear about domestic violence as it pertains to athletes, it comes more from NFL playe…

What we can learn from Hope Solo and her now Husband Jerramy Stevens

In recent news, there is a story that is being reported that has left a lot of people wondering and nobody seems to have answers but maybe there are some answers. American Soccer player and Olympic Gold Medalist Hope Solo were reported to have been in a domestic dispute a couple of days ago. Although, Hope chose not to speak on it or even press charges, the police still arrested her then fiancé Jerramy Stevens( A Former NFL player). The incident was said to happen at a party and the police felt like they had enough reason/evidence to arrest Mr. Stevens.

What happened after that though, is what now has a lot of people wondering. It was said that Hope Solo refused to talk to the police and warned nobody else to talk to them as well-Let me be the first to say this is a sign that Hope is probably in an abusive relationship. See when it comes to domestic violence, the answers are not always clear but when one educates themselves on the subject, then the answers become a little clearer.


The Emotional Effects of Domestic Violence(Survey)

One of my favorite sayings and one that I came up with myself is "As advocates we should seek to understand more than we seek to be understood".  As a new and aspiring advocate I do not want to assume or come off as thinking that I know everything there is to know about domestic violence or any other causes for that matter.

 I see statistics all the time, but I am not really big on statistics. I am big on testimonies and learning about other peoples struggle and how they overcame. Because of that, I have created a survey in order to understand better the emotional affects of domestic violence. I would like to hear from you, if you would like to share. Let it be known that I do not want to turn this into statistics that is not what this is about, I just want to hear from people who have actually been through it.

 I have been through it myself, but in the process of wanting to help others, I also want to understand them. I realize that every situation is different and handling…

Prayer Is The Key: Join us in praying for those in crisis

As advocates, survivors, people of faith, or just people who want change period, there is only so much that we can do but we cannot do it alone. Prayer is the key because faith without work is dead and vice versa. We have to intercede for those are going through a crisis. As we know this month (October) is National Breast Cancer, Bullying, and Awareness month, I would like to ask you all to join me in prayer every night this month at 9pm CT or whenever you can but preferably at night.

Why at night?

I believe that at night, as we wind down and have time to think, that is when our thoughts most consume us. Night Time is also the most loneliest and scariest for some. Let us be intercessors not only this month but period. I created this event on Evite ( Prayer for Those in Crisis) feel free to let us know if you will be joining us in prayer.

God Bless you all,

Nicole Lofton (@NicoleCherese) on Twitter
Founder of F.A.C.E. I.T. (@faceitorg) on Twitter

The Last Time You Cry

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to take the time out as a survivor to give back to those who still may be going through a domestic abuse situation or just an unhealthy relationship or situation period. While I do not have money to give, etc one thing I do have is faith, prayer, and HOPE. Because it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to speak to the victims of Domestic Violence. Some times this is the hardest to do, but it is time for us as survivors and advocates to really speak from our hearts to the victims hearts. We don't need to be judgmental because we need to come from that place of understanding, if fact, we do come from that place of understanding because we KNOW and UNDERSTAND what they have went through because WE went through it too. We must not forget, we have to remember how we felt when we were going through it in order to TRY to understand what they are feeling, in order to try to understand why they haven't left yet, in ord…

NFL Domestic Violence Petition

Many of you may have or may not have noticed a petition going around that says something like "Let's get the NFL to wear purple in honor of Domestic Violence" I would like to take some time out to explain a little more about the petition. As some of you may know my name is Nicole Lofton and I am the founder of Faithful Deeds Foundation I am also the creator of the NFL Domestic Violence petition.

I realize that there as been some talk about whether this petition was the right thing to do, some people say that I am leaving out all the other sports league that may have players that have been involved in Domestic Violence incidents, some say that the NFL is not important when it comes to Domestic Violence, some say that my argument is not valid and well some say that it is simply just a waste of time. 
Well, today I am here to address and respond to those concerns. You see first and foremost, I would like to make the statement that this petition is NOT and repeat NOT an att…

When People Don't Believe You

Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand.

Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does bring h…

Understanding the cycle of an abuser: The key to escaping

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation.

We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan.

Let's talk…

From one survivor to another: Dear Whitney Houston, I will always love you

Some may be wondering why this particular post is under my domestic violence blog and not one of my other ones, it is because I have to stay true not only to myself but to my readers. We all know that Whitney was a SURVIVOR of domestic violence. I can remember as a child, sitting in my room listening to Whitney and trying to belt out beautiful notes like she did. I remember seeing Whitney would perform on TV, or seeing her acting in movies(the body guard, the preachers wife, waiting to exhale). I remember watching waiting to exhale with my mom and I said to myself Oh I don't need a man, that movie gave me strength to look to the future to know the difference between a good man and a not so good one.

Little did I know that one day I would find myself 'needing" or "depending" on a man. Sometimes when we don't feel loved we run to other outlets that may not be the best ones. For some it may be the wrong crowd, for some it maybe experimenting with something harm…

Do You know DV? A Poem about Domestic Violence

Do you know DV? 
Do you see them as they lurk into people’s lives? Seeking to destroy others because they cannot deal with themselves. 
Do you see DV just as charming as can be, hey how are you doing? Dv says to me. 
I smile and say I'm fine not knowing that this is just the beginning of something that I will soon hope to be ending. 
Oh we had such a good time, we went out a date,  we stayed out late, reminded me of love at first site. 
What a good person DV is to me. 
Eventually I start to noticed that things have changed,  DV doesn't look at me at the same. 
Is it something that I did? 
This is starting to get frightening because he turns to anger just as quick as a flash of lightening  BUT I must be tripping because this is not how I'm living. 
Me and DV we love each other, we made a pact that we would not have no other.  Just me and DV but it then it starts to get to the point where I cant even watch tv. 
Nothing that I do is right now all DV wants to do is fuss and fight.  So we are …