DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS A WHOLE

Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand. Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does br

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation. We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan. Let's t

Some may be wondering why this particular post is under my domestic violence blog and not one of my other ones, it is because I have to stay true not only to myself but to my readers. We all know that Whitney was a SURVIVOR of domestic violence. I can remember as a child, sitting in my room listening to Whitney and trying to belt out beautiful notes like she did. I remember seeing Whitney would perform on TV, or seeing her acting in movies(the body guard, the preachers wife, waiting to exhale). I remember watching waiting to exhale with my mom and I said to myself Oh I don't need a man, that movie gave me strength to look to the future to know the difference between a good man and a not so good one. Little did I know that one day I would find myself 'needing" or "depending" on a man. Sometimes when we don't feel loved we run to other outlets that may not be the best ones. For some it may be the wrong crowd, for some it maybe experimenting with something har

Do you know DV?  Do you see them as they lurk into people’s lives? Seeking to destroy others because they cannot deal with themselves.  Do you see DV just as charming as can be, hey how are you doing? Dv says to me.  I smile and say I'm fine not knowing that this is just the beginning of something that I will soon hope to be ending.  Oh we had such a good time, we went out a date,  we stayed out late, reminded me of love at first site.  What a good person DV is to me.  Eventually I start to noticed that things have changed,  DV doesn't look at me at the same.  Is it something that I did?  T his is starting to get frightening because he turns to anger just as quick as a flash of lightening  BUT I must be tripping because this is not how I'm living.  Me and DV we love each other, we made a pact that we would not have no other.  Just me and DV but it then it starts to get to the point where I cant even watch tv.  Nothin

You say you love me but when you get mad, you hate me. You say there is no one you would rather spend the rest of your life with BUT..when you get mad you say you wish you never met me. You say I'm the best thing that ever happened to you BUT..then you turn around and curse me, hurt me, threaten to take my life and possibly even attempt to take my life. What is this that we are going through? What has gotten a hold of you? Or what has gotten a hold of me? That i have decided to stay in-spite of all this dismay, in-spite of all this hurt and pain. You are begging me to stay as I proceed to leave and I stop for a minute as i see the tears roll down Your eyes saying you love me and you never meant for me to cry, You say you know I didn't deserve what I was getting. You put my pain at ease for a minute. I think you love me at least I hope.. because I know I love you, So I decide to stay and say ok lets make it work. BUT then later you start to turn on

This blog may not come off as "agreeable" to everyone and that's okay. I am an advocate that wholeheartedly believe that we not cannot fully combat/tackle Domestic Violence as a WHOLE unless we recognize, accept, and acknowledge that Domestic Violence happens to both men and women. I read so many news articles, statistics, etc that are in favor of women and leave the men hanging. I suppose that as a woman such as myself, it would be easier for me to advocate for women and relate to them because in fact I am a woman but do we always need to take the easy route? When I think about Domestic Violence Advocates, I think that God has hand picked and designed us to be just that, so its not about us, its about Him. I started to think what if a male victim of domestic violence was reading things that I wrote or listening to things I said and what IF I was only talking about women and the statistic of women, how might that discourage them for coming to speak to me or sh

This particular blog post will kind of be all over the place, but it will slowly start to come together and eventually the reader will see why the title is "Domestic Violence: The Mark of Silence". As I sat here thinking, I started to wonder if teens being home alone a lot helped them hide domestic violence more than usual. During these times parents are at work a lot, times are hard, and in order to pay bills and eat, we have to go to work. I thought about how much time a teen or someone living with their parents would have time to cover up a bruise by the time their parents, guardian, or whoever they were living with got home. Pay attention to this closely, remember when you first got a hickey or someone you knew got one? Maybe you were a teenager, maybe you were an young adult, or even an adult. A lot of times when someone first gets a hickey, its kind of embarrasing to them. They find ways to hide it by covering it up with make up, wearing turtle necks, putting toothpas

Lastnight/Early this morning, a song popped in my head that I had not heard in  a long time. This song reminded me of something that I went through and something that I know a lot of people experience. After going back and reading the lyrics to the song, I started to research the group who made the song only to find out that one of the members had been in a domestic violence relationship. The reason why I researched the group was because I know that this group was ALWAYS real with their music and if they made a song about something it was usually something that they had experienced in their life. The group happened to be TLC and the song is titled "Unpretty" which is the title of this blog. The member who had the experience with domestic violence was T-BOZ. I would first like to post the lyrics to the song so that you can read them. So you can see how it tells the story of domestic violence in the form of emotional abuse. At times, it is good to actually read the lyrics of th

I feel like I don't have anything left, not even the shirt on my back. I have no one to turn to as I lay here uneasy without feeling,without knowing who I am anymore. Somebody took that away from me, when they decided they wanted to lay with me. No remorse,they had their way with me. They didn't even stop to think if they were hurting me, It didn't matter to him, he only wanted me. I couldn't even scream, is this how its suppose to be? The first time a man decides to lay with me? Tears roll down my eyes, but even they got tired of being..no more tears..all dried up..its just my blood and me..man how could somebody who called themselves a MAN..do that to me. One thing I learned though is to pray for my enemies. This life isn't promise to him or me but to do what he did,I knew God had a plan for me. To rise up and become stronger than I knew I needed to be. No it didn't happened that fast,it took about 3 yrs for me. Treatment facilities, she

As I was sitting back thinking about domestic violence as a whole and the healing process that one has to go through. I started thinking to myself, can one be a victim and a survivor at the same time? I did think about this carefully and what occurred to me is this: YES one can be both at the same time because he or she can be a victim(in their mind) BUT a survivor(at heart). What does this mean though? How can one be a victim in their mind but a survivor in their heart? How does that happen exactly? Well for some the healing process takes longer than others but a victim starts becoming a survivor once they have accepted the fact that they did not deserve to go through what they went through, that they deserve better and they will get better but it is still a process. Often times domestic violence has a serve effect on the victim and although they know in their heart and it is apparent that God gave them the strength to leave and they are now free and have moved on in and with their

Many times when domestic violence is thought of it is not though of as being emotional abuse and this is where this blog stems from. It is important to understand and realize that verbal/emotional abuse is not okay. Most people who have experienced some from of verbal or emotional abuse do not even realize that it is in fact abuse because it is downplayed. A lot of definitions in the past use to only include physical abuse. It is almost important to realize the impact of emotional abuse because usually emotional abuse starts first and then physical abuse follows, it would be helpful for the victim to be able to realize signs quicker if the victim knew how serious verbal abuse is. Again, I wanted to personal speak out and say that it is NOT okay to be emotionally, verbally, mentally let alone physically abused. IF you are in a relationship with someone, it is NOT OK for them to call you out your name or disrespect you in ANY kind of way. You are nobody's b**ch, hoe, slut, etc, you

A lot of times when we ear, see, or read stories about things in general that have happened, when tend to think " that will never happen to me" or we start to say how we would have handled the situation differently. When it comes to domestic violence most of reactions received are negative. Some say things like the victim is stupid, why would the victim stay after being abused or I would never let anyone put there hands on me or talk to me crazy". These are typical responses when hearing a story involving domestic violence. I always like to point out the fact that we will NEVER know  what we will do in a situation until it is actually presented to us and I pray that those who have never experienced domestic violence or any other violence will have too. I tend to believe that if we can learn from someone's testimony/story then we should. If you ever thought for a moment that you couldn't be in a domestic violence situation then lets think about some scenarios be

This blog was inspired from a previous conversation that I had. For a couple of months now I have been slowly but surely become an advocate for domestic violence as well as other causes. There are many misconceptions of domestic violence. I believe in order to truly combat/stop domestic violence we have to be able to understand domestic violence as a whole. Now these are just my thoughts and opinions on the issue of domestic violence. For many, people have begun to wonder if domestic violence is something that can in fact be stopped, I have come to believe that there is a solution to every problem. I truly believe that ALL things are possible through Jesus Christ because He tells us that in His word. The problem that we face with the issue of domestic violence is NOT in people but with the way domestic violence is handled. As I mentioned previously, there are some misconceptions of domestic violence. One of the biggest misconceptions of domestic violence is that it is only physical the