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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

UNPRETTY

Lastnight/Early this morning, a song popped in my head that I had not heard in  a long time. This song reminded me of something that I went through and something that I know a lot of people experience. After going back and reading the lyrics to the song, I started to research the group who made the song only to find out that one of the members had been in a domestic violence relationship. The reason why I researched the group was because I know that this group was ALWAYS real with their music and if they made a song about something it was usually something that they had experienced in their life. The group happened to be TLC and the song is titled "Unpretty" which is the title of this blog. The member who had the experience with domestic violence was T-BOZ. I would first like to post the lyrics to the song so that you can read them. So you can see how it tells the story of domestic violence in the form of emotional abuse. At times, it is good to actually read the lyrics of the music we listen to because sometimes we miss things when we are listening.

Unpretty Lyrics:

I wish i could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)


My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think i'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But its all the same
At the end of the day
I have my self to blame
I'm just trippin

Chorus:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.AC. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then i'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides looks cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to(i'll make u feel unpretty too)


oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)
oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
That M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too

Although, I already wrote about emotional abuse previously this song inspired me to write about, you can never write to much about Domestic Violence because it is something that people NEED to know about. Have you ever felt unpretty? I have. I remember numerous times when someone not even my peers but a family member would say things that made me feel unpretty and at times once you keep hearing those things you internalize them and start to believe them. Thats where low self-esteem comes in. This is the last day of August and August and even some people say October is self-esteem awarenes month. When one thinks about domestic violence, self-esteem is a big concern. Now only was did I feel unpretty from a family member but I also was in a relationship with someone who made me feel unpretty.

The thing that I want people to realize especially people who may be going through a domestic violence situation. Is that when an abuser says things to hurt you it is NOT because they mean it but it is infact because THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IT. Pay attention to what I said, they don't MEAN it BUT they want YOU to believe it. Why is that though? Why would they say something they don't mean and want me to believe it? Well the truth is they are insecure or have low self-esteem themselves and this is the though process of an abuser-" I will do or say ANYTHING to make you feel bad about yourself until I can get you to the point where you will not believe in yourself or that you could ever be with someone else.

You see this is the trick that they use they dont say things because the they think or know that you will get fed up and LEAVE, they say it to KEEP you. They try to get into your mind and make you feel and believe that you are nothing, that you will never amount to anything, that you are stupid, ugly, a waste of life, that they are the ONLY one for you and no one would ever want you because after all they barely want you or want to deal with you right? In fact they hate you and you are a disgrace to them right? That is what they say but they dont mean it. They dont know how to low so they have to bring YOU to YOUR lowest point in life in order to make themselves feel good. Emotional Abuse can infact turn to Mental Abuse because you can get to the point where you start believing what they say and you start to feel unpretty and that no one will want you.

As ALWAYS, I am here to encourage you because I know how it feels to be somebodys doll or puppet. To them they act you are a doll or a puppett, they want to dress you, tell you how to act, tell you how to talk, tell you what to do and what not to do, where to go and where NOT to go. Let me tell that the ONLY person that can give you true guidance is GOD. Men/Women YOU do not have to answer to ANYBODY but GOD, despite what majority feel, at the end of the day GOD is who you have to answer to. YOU don't have to answer to no man or woman because you are in a relationship with them and NOT only that GOD is NOT going to send us a man/woman who would INTENTIONALLY hurt us, notice I said INTENTIONALLY because someone could actually hurt us and not mean to do it.

GOD will let us get involved with someone because we want to but we have to ask GOD for wisdom and discernment so that we can know what doors HE has opened for us and what doors HE has NOT because the enemy can open doors to and make them seem GREAT(at first).
GOD never judges us by outside appearence HIS thoughts are NOT like ours neither are HIS ways. HE judges by whats in our hearts BUT at the sametime GOD LOVES US SO MUCH AND THINKS THAT ALL OF US ARE BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME , WHEN HE CREATED THE EARTH HE CREATED IT TO BE BEAUTITFUL. WE ARE THE APPLE OF GODS EYE AND WE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT AND WE MUST LEARN TO LOVE AND RESPECT OURSELVES.

I would like to encourage everyone who reads or comes across this blog to develop a relationship with GOD and learn and realize how much He adores US, thats where I had I had to do and what I am doing and once you realize that you will start to know your worth. Once you realize that you are being mistreated because that person doesnt know their worth then you will realize that maybe that is not the person(at this tme) for you to be with. Continue to pray for that person that they may realize their worth and develop a relationship with GOD. FORGIVE THEM AND MOVE ON, if we dont forgive we cant be forgiven not only that we can't move forward because we are still holding on. It takes time to release hurts but once GOD delievers us, HE WILL HEAL US.

I hope that this blog encourages you and also opens your heart and mind and also allows you to see through what he abuser is trying to put you through or has put you through.I pray that everyone who reads is blessed and takes something from this. LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

I HAVE DECIDED TO ADD THE "UNPRETTY" VIDEO TO THIS BLOG SO THAT YOU CAN LISTEN.