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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

UNPRETTY

Lastnight/Early this morning, a song popped in my head that I had not heard in  a long time. This song reminded me of something that I went through and something that I know a lot of people experience. After going back and reading the lyrics to the song, I started to research the group who made the song only to find out that one of the members had been in a domestic violence relationship. The reason why I researched the group was because I know that this group was ALWAYS real with their music and if they made a song about something it was usually something that they had experienced in their life. The group happened to be TLC and the song is titled "Unpretty" which is the title of this blog. The member who had the experience with domestic violence was T-BOZ. I would first like to post the lyrics to the song so that you can read them. So you can see how it tells the story of domestic violence in the form of emotional abuse. At times, it is good to actually read the lyrics of the music we listen to because sometimes we miss things when we are listening.

Unpretty Lyrics:

I wish i could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who's inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today (yeah)


My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Every time I think i'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But its all the same
At the end of the day
I have my self to blame
I'm just trippin

Chorus:
You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.AC. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to

Never insecure until I met you
Now I'm bein stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then i'll get back to me (hey)

My outsides looks cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I'm through
It's because of you
I've tried different ways
But it's all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty to(i'll make u feel unpretty too)


oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)
oh oh oh oh oh
oh oh oh oh oh (oh)


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
that M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty


You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up
That M.A.C can make
But if you can look inside you
Find out who am I too
Be in a position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too

Although, I already wrote about emotional abuse previously this song inspired me to write about, you can never write to much about Domestic Violence because it is something that people NEED to know about. Have you ever felt unpretty? I have. I remember numerous times when someone not even my peers but a family member would say things that made me feel unpretty and at times once you keep hearing those things you internalize them and start to believe them. Thats where low self-esteem comes in. This is the last day of August and August and even some people say October is self-esteem awarenes month. When one thinks about domestic violence, self-esteem is a big concern. Now only was did I feel unpretty from a family member but I also was in a relationship with someone who made me feel unpretty.

The thing that I want people to realize especially people who may be going through a domestic violence situation. Is that when an abuser says things to hurt you it is NOT because they mean it but it is infact because THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE IT. Pay attention to what I said, they don't MEAN it BUT they want YOU to believe it. Why is that though? Why would they say something they don't mean and want me to believe it? Well the truth is they are insecure or have low self-esteem themselves and this is the though process of an abuser-" I will do or say ANYTHING to make you feel bad about yourself until I can get you to the point where you will not believe in yourself or that you could ever be with someone else.

You see this is the trick that they use they dont say things because the they think or know that you will get fed up and LEAVE, they say it to KEEP you. They try to get into your mind and make you feel and believe that you are nothing, that you will never amount to anything, that you are stupid, ugly, a waste of life, that they are the ONLY one for you and no one would ever want you because after all they barely want you or want to deal with you right? In fact they hate you and you are a disgrace to them right? That is what they say but they dont mean it. They dont know how to low so they have to bring YOU to YOUR lowest point in life in order to make themselves feel good. Emotional Abuse can infact turn to Mental Abuse because you can get to the point where you start believing what they say and you start to feel unpretty and that no one will want you.

As ALWAYS, I am here to encourage you because I know how it feels to be somebodys doll or puppet. To them they act you are a doll or a puppett, they want to dress you, tell you how to act, tell you how to talk, tell you what to do and what not to do, where to go and where NOT to go. Let me tell that the ONLY person that can give you true guidance is GOD. Men/Women YOU do not have to answer to ANYBODY but GOD, despite what majority feel, at the end of the day GOD is who you have to answer to. YOU don't have to answer to no man or woman because you are in a relationship with them and NOT only that GOD is NOT going to send us a man/woman who would INTENTIONALLY hurt us, notice I said INTENTIONALLY because someone could actually hurt us and not mean to do it.

GOD will let us get involved with someone because we want to but we have to ask GOD for wisdom and discernment so that we can know what doors HE has opened for us and what doors HE has NOT because the enemy can open doors to and make them seem GREAT(at first).
GOD never judges us by outside appearence HIS thoughts are NOT like ours neither are HIS ways. HE judges by whats in our hearts BUT at the sametime GOD LOVES US SO MUCH AND THINKS THAT ALL OF US ARE BEAUTIFUL/HANDSOME , WHEN HE CREATED THE EARTH HE CREATED IT TO BE BEAUTITFUL. WE ARE THE APPLE OF GODS EYE AND WE DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT AND WE MUST LEARN TO LOVE AND RESPECT OURSELVES.

I would like to encourage everyone who reads or comes across this blog to develop a relationship with GOD and learn and realize how much He adores US, thats where I had I had to do and what I am doing and once you realize that you will start to know your worth. Once you realize that you are being mistreated because that person doesnt know their worth then you will realize that maybe that is not the person(at this tme) for you to be with. Continue to pray for that person that they may realize their worth and develop a relationship with GOD. FORGIVE THEM AND MOVE ON, if we dont forgive we cant be forgiven not only that we can't move forward because we are still holding on. It takes time to release hurts but once GOD delievers us, HE WILL HEAL US.

I hope that this blog encourages you and also opens your heart and mind and also allows you to see through what he abuser is trying to put you through or has put you through.I pray that everyone who reads is blessed and takes something from this. LOVE YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

I HAVE DECIDED TO ADD THE "UNPRETTY" VIDEO TO THIS BLOG SO THAT YOU CAN LISTEN.


Friday, August 12, 2011

YOUR BEAUTY IS YOUR PRAISE, YOUR PRAISE IS YOUR BEAUTY

 For about a year now I have been wanting to have an event entitled " My praise is my beauty". While I was talking to God last night, He spoke to me and said why don't you write about it. Writing is a form of therapy for me and it brings healing to me. I love to write, but I do not always utilize it as I should. So I said to myself well how will I write it about it, I had not put much thought into it. I have two blogs one for domestic violence and one for spiritual encouragement but I thought this would fit better under the domestic violence blog, but maybe I'll do both. Although I firmly believe that domestic violence happens to both men and women and I am an advocate for both this blog post will be geared towards the women. I have a scripture that I would like to focus on. The scripture is
Do you see that scripture? Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord SHE SHALL BE PRAISED. This is where the concept of my beauty is my praise comes from. Ladies, do you know how beautiful you look when you are praising the Lord? How beautiful and wonderful do you feel? Think about it. It is definitely good to look nice and it makes us feel better but all the clothes, jewelry, accessories, etc. those are all materialistic and can be taken away from you at any given time but guess what CANNOT be taken away from you? YOUR PRAISE, that's right, it is YOUR PRAISE. Your God Given praise, God have you something to shout about it.

Let's think about when we face situations especially a situation such as domestic violence we start to lose our self worth, we forget who we are and WHOSE we are (Gods child). That man is telling you, that you are ugly, that you will never be anything, that you are no good, you are filthy, you will never be anything without him, he is hitting on you and you feel like you are in a totally different world. How did you get here, you are wondering. When God gives us the strength to finally get out of that situation and he rescues us and takes us under his wings, we are in His shelter He is covering us and speaking to us and we FINALLY have that breakthrough and outcomes a PRAISE that we NEVER knew that we had. We are shouting THANK YOU JESUS AND HALLELUJAH. God is the one that makes us feel beautiful inside, He is the one that helps us remember who we are and WHOSE we are. We must not ever let someone tell us that we are nothing without them because the only MAN that we are nothing without is GOD.

God tells us that charm is deceitful so ladies lets not deceive people especially men with our charm and lets not BE DECEIEVED by theirs. God tells us that beauty is passing, what does that mean? Beauty is passing, as we get older, our skin changes, our body changes, BUT of course we will always remain BEAUTIFUL because beauty is more on the INSIDE than it is on the OUTSIDE. Doesn't your praise come from the inside? That's where that beauty comes from, God heals us on the inside and it displays on the outside. We have to be comfortable in the skin that we are in (so cliche I know). God made no mistakes when He made us, we have to know that. Know that a man who loves you will love you when that outside beauty has passed because he realizes your INNER BEAUTY. He knows your worth and what are you worth? Far MORE THAN RUBIES. Most importantly we have to fear the LORD, let go of the fear of man, man did not bring you in this world (contrary to popular belief), GOD brought you in this word. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom yes it is. When we are extra close to God, nobody can tear us down. God said because you fear Him, you will be praised. That man will love you, your children will be looking up to you, your family and friends will be looking up to you. Everyone will be able to notice that you ate  TRUE WOMAN OF GOD.

I wrote this blog post today, to tell you that YOUR BEAUTY IS YOUR PRAISE AND YOUR PRAISE IS YOUR BEAUTY. GOD BLESS YOU ALL.