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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Is The Law Failing Domestic Violence Victims/Survivors



I hope that this post does not causes an uproar, but this is something that really needs to be discussed. I am not here to pass judgment in anyway, I am just simply here to state my opinion, explore a topic, and to start a discussion. There is something that has been troubling me lately and that something is the number of recent cases of children being killed under court-order supervision. I start to wonder how does that happen? Then I started to think about domestic violence and the laws in general. You see the law makers want us to uphold these laws and follow through, but they do not enforce the laws. It seems that LAW ENFORCEMENT has slowly disappeared.

This is not to say that this is the case for everyone, but it is the case for most. The law tells those who are experiencing domestic violence to leave and get a restraining order. The restraining order is suppose to mean that the abuser cannot come near them, they also tell the person who is being abused not to have any contact with the abuser. Now I understand that not everybody follows through with this, but I can make the case that one of the reasons why they don't is because they feel like it's not going to help, which in more than some cases it doesn't. It seems the law makers have put out to society that restraining or protective orders do not work because people don't follow through.

So now, society feels like that is the case for all domestic violence victims/survivors and that is not the case. What about the victims/survivors who do follow through? The ones that do EVERYTHING that the law tells them to do and they still get harmed, killed, or even their children or family members get killed. Yes, I am upset about this. Because it time for the law makers to take some accountability here. In the past few months, there have been two stories of men who have killed their kids during court ordered supervised visits and what I happened to notice was that none of the news article said anything about where the supervisor was. Why are we not talking about this?

In New Hampshire, back in august, a man by the name Muni Savyon, killed his son and then killed himself at the YWCA. You can read more about this here :http://www.wmur.com/news/nh-news/police-investigate-incident-at-manchester-ywca/-/9857858/21420662/-/hsn7iwz/-/index.html#mid=17979707.  The mother of his child had a restraining order against him( although most of the news report failed to mention this fact), he had also told her that he would either kill her and their child or himself and their child, which he did. Their son was only 9 years old, I can't imagine what either of their families is going through. What about the mother of his child though? I wonder how she feels knowing that she did everything she could to protect herself and her son. She did what the law told her to do after all the law was created "to serve and protect" right?

Now, even more recently than that, in December of 2013, just a month ago. A man by the name of
Dmitriy Kanarikov in New York threw his 3 yr old off a building during a supervised visit. http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/nyc-crime/man-dies-jumping-midtown-building-3-year-old-article-1.1555670  I mean I really am starting to wonder here. I know many people have issues with coming to terms with domestic violence, they don't believe its serious, they think its a joke, or the man or woman is just stupid for dealing. But if you have never been in the situation, it would be hard for you to understand. Of course you would not understand the physical, mental, and emotional pain that  a person endures that could last a lifetime. You would understand somebody saying they love you, but constantly mistreating you. You would not understand somebody threatening you, your family, your friends, even possibly your co-workers if you leave them. Not only that, you would not understand even after you leave(like everybody says that you should), your life still being in danger, even after you have followed through with the law, because the law is not following through with you.

Now,  I am not saying all laws are bad, but I am saying there has to be something done. We all have to do our part even law makers and officials. I believe in teaching domestic violence survivors/victims how to be independent of the law. This is includes creating a safety plan, getting a circle of people you can trust, being smart about the situation, because after all it is clear that you cannot depend on the law. But you can survive without it!

I also understand that the court system wants to do what is best for the child, but who is to really decide that? Is it best for a child to be around a parent that is abusive? It is best for a child to be around a parent that is threatening harm towards the child or other parent? These are just things to think about.

So yes, this is my little rant because my heart is hurting for my fellow survivors and those that are currently going through domestic violence. There have even been many causes of domestic violence victims/survivors losing the custody of their kids to the abuser. It is easy for the abusers to appear just fine and make the victim seem like she is crazy. Abusers are very charming and intelligent. I ask that we please keep an open mind before we judge domestic violence victims/survivors, they already endure enough.