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Sunday, August 26, 2012

When People Don't Believe You




Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand.

Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does bring her husband around they seem like the perfect couple. He is helping her with everything, he is always smiling and she is smiling(but still not talking much). All her family and friends love him. She does not want her family and friends to think anything bad about him so she continues to keep quiet. Of course, she believes that her husband truly loves her because he tells her that. Finally, one day she decides to tell her parents what is going on and their response is "oh he couldn't possibly do something like that , he is such a great man for you. Why would you say such things about him?" So she reaches out to her friends and they tell her "Oh you are just overreacting, all relationships and marriages have their share of troubles". So now she shuts down again because nobody believes her and she starts to believe that maybe she is overreacting.

LETS TAKE A BREAK FROM THE SCENARIO FOR A SECOND: If this scenario is starting to seem similar to yours PLEASE know that you are NOT overreacting all relationships and marriages have their share of troubles, but ABUSE of any form whether it be emotionally, mentally, financial, physical, or spiritual is NOT acceptable. A man or woman who loves you will respect you and love you as they love themselves. They will know how to sit down and talk and control their anger without hurting you with words or actions.

BACK TO THE SCENARIO: So about an month after reaching out to family and friends, the family and friends receive a phone call stating that the young lady is in the hospital. So every one rushes to the hospital and once they arrive, they see that she has been severely beaten and they wonder who could have done this to her? When they find out that it was the husband they start to feel bad and they still wonder how that could have happened.

CONCLUSION: By the grace of God, the woman in this scenario survived as this is a fictional story, but in real life it could have been different, this woman could have died from the abuse that she suffered . When people reach out to you about serious situations like this it is important to try to understand them and help them. You have to do away with your own feelings about the situation. Don't discount a persons story because of their past, because they did not speak out it when it first happened, or because they don't look like anything is happening to them. You have a chance to help someone get their life back on track or even save their life. PLEASE LISTEN when someone comes to you and find out how you can help them.

A MESSAGE FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE OR HAVE EXPERIENCED DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:

When people do not listen to you, keep on moving. If you know you are in an abusive situation, reach out to a shelter, find some advocates online if offline won't help you. Find some survivors, pray, make a plan to get out and follow through with that plan. People won't always believe you but your life is worth way more than what people think and regardless of what you have been told or what you are feeling at this moment, YOU DESERVE TO LIVE, YOUR LIFE IS PRECIOUS AND GOD WANTS THE BEST FOR YOU. YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK AND YOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE UNHAPPY AND MISERABLE. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND FILLED WITH JOY. YOU DESERVE A PARTNER WHO IS GOING TO BE THERE FOR YOU, SUPPORT YOU, HELP YOU, ENCOURAGE YOU AND LOVE YOU.

If you have any questions please email Nicole at nicole@faithfuldeedsfoundation.org or visit the website www.gardenofpurpose.com or www.faithfulfeedsfoundation.org