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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

No Excuse For Abuse




Before I get started on the subject for today's blog, I first want to thank all of my readers. You all are my inspiration. Thank you for always reading, commenting, and sharing. I believe that it is because of you that this blog was chosen and listed as one of the Top 101 domestic violence resources on Social Work Degree.Net. I cannot tell you how much that meant to me especially to be among the top domestic violence organizations and sites that even I look up too. I haven't written in a while so I did want to update you on that and again to say thank you.

Now, for the subject of today's post. I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately and it was really on my heart this morning. It is amazing to me how many excuses that I hear and read when it comes to the subject of domestic violence. So many times I read and hear that women and/or men deserved to be hit. Although we should not provoke one another to anger, violence is simply NOT the answer. Just because someone does something to else does not mean that we should retaliate.

It seems that somehow violence has become the norm especially when it comes to relationships. Often times people will say if their spouse cheated on them they would kill them or do some harm to them or even the person that they cheated with. Why is this OK? Violence is not the solution. No matter the cause or subject of the argument or disagreement, no matter the other persons actions, we should not be attacking our spouses, not even verbally.

The truth here is that there is NO EXCUSE FOR ABUSE. There is no justification for verbally, physically, spiritually, or even financially abusing someone. Most times abuse stems from wanting to be in control, because the abuser loses control then they turn to violence. I did not write this blog post to bash anyone, I just wanted to shed light on the situation because society has come to a point where we accept abuse and we look the other way. Abuse is not something that is acceptable. People die from abuse every day.

One of the most common DV scenarios is a person not wanting to be with their spouse and because the spouse cannot accept that, they turn the violence. The phrase " if I can't have you, then nobody else has" is not just something that is said in movies, it is said in many relationships everyday. My abuser said it to me.
There are many excuses that can be used, but that does not mean it is OK. Yes, it is very true that abusers, were probably abused while they were growing up or witnessed abused, but it is still not an excuse. Excuses are things that are used when we do not want to face the truth. It is time that we get some helped. If we witnessed abuse at a young age, which I can honestly say that I have then we should talk to somebody about it. Its okay to talk to somebody that you can trust.

I know how hurtful and damaging it can be to watch someone you love be hurt and to be hurt by someone you love. I find that most people turn to a negative solution when they do not have an outlet. As a survivor and an advocate, I want to be that outlet for people. I want to help people share their voice and their story so that they can heal, bringing healing to others, and so that together we can raise awareness. That is the reason why I started my organization F.A.C.E. I.T.(Faith Advocates Through Christ Individually & Together). I invite you to comment on this post, share your story, even to be a guest blogger on this blog if you like. I want to do my part in raising awareness for domestic violence and the causes that come along with it.

Thank you all in advance for reading this post. If you would like to contact me you can email me at nicolelofton@facingittoday.org or visit my website at http://www.facingittoday.org

Happy New Year

Nicole Lofton