DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS A WHOLE

Before I get started on the subject for today's blog, I first want to thank all of my readers. You all are my inspiration. Thank you for always reading, commenting, and sharing. I believe that it is because of you that this blog was chosen and listed as one of the  Top 101 domestic violence resources on Social Work Degree.Net . I cannot tell you how much that meant to me especially to be among the top domestic violence organizations and sites that even I look up too. I haven't written in a while so I did want to update you on that and again to say thank you. Now, for the subject of today's post. I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately and it was really on my heart this morning. It is amazing to me how many excuses that I hear and read when it comes to the subject of domestic violence. So many times I read and hear that women and/or men deserved to be hit. Although we should not provoke one another to anger, violence is simply NOT the answer. Just because ...

One of my favorite sayings and one that I came up with myself is "As advocates we should seek to understand more than we seek to be understood".  As a new and aspiring advocate I do not want to assume or come off as thinking that I know everything there is to know about domestic violence or any other causes for that matter.  I see statistics all the time, but I am not really big on statistics. I am big on testimonies and learning about other peoples struggle and how they overcame. Because of that, I have created a survey in order to understand better the emotional affects of domestic violence. I would like to hear from you, if you would like to share. Let it be known that I do not want to turn this into statistics that is not what this is about, I just want to hear from people who have actually been through it.  I have been through it myself, but in the process of wanting to help others, I also want to understand them. I realize that every situation is different ...

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to take the time out as a survivor to give back to those who still may be going through a domestic abuse situation or just an unhealthy relationship or situation period. While I do not have money to give, etc one thing I do have is faith, prayer, and HOPE. Because it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to speak to the victims of Domestic Violence. Some times this is the hardest to do, but it is time for us as survivors and advocates to really speak from our hearts to the victims hearts. We don't need to be judgmental because we need to come from that place of understanding, if fact, we do come from that place of understanding because we KNOW and UNDERSTAND what they have went through because WE went through it too. We must not forget, we have to remember how we felt when we were going through it in order to TRY to understand what they are feeling, in order to try to understand why they haven't left yet, in or...

Many of you may have or may not have noticed a petition going around that says something like " Let's get the NFL to wear purple in honor of Domestic Violence " I would like to take some time out to explain a little more about the petition. As some of you may know my name is Nicole Lofton and I am the founder of Faithful Deeds Foundation  I am also the creator of the NFL Domestic Violence petition . I realize that there as been some talk about whether this petition was the right thing to do, some people say that I am leaving out all the other sports league that may have players that have been involved in Domestic Violence incidents, some say that the NFL is not important when it comes to Domestic Violence, some say that my argument is not valid and well some say that it is simply just a waste of time.  Well, today I am here to address and respond to those concerns. You see first and foremost, I would like to make the statement that this petition is NOT a...

Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand. Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does br...

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation. We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan. Let's t...

Do you know DV?  Do you see them as they lurk into people’s lives? Seeking to destroy others because they cannot deal with themselves.  Do you see DV just as charming as can be, hey how are you doing? Dv says to me.  I smile and say I'm fine not knowing that this is just the beginning of something that I will soon hope to be ending.  Oh we had such a good time, we went out a date,  we stayed out late, reminded me of love at first site.  What a good person DV is to me.  Eventually I start to noticed that things have changed,  DV doesn't look at me at the same.  Is it something that I did?  T his is starting to get frightening because he turns to anger just as quick as a flash of lightening  BUT I must be tripping because this is not how I'm living.  Me and DV we love each other, we made a pact that we would not have no other.  Just me and DV but it then it starts to get ...

As I was sitting back thinking about domestic violence as a whole and the healing process that one has to go through. I started thinking to myself, can one be a victim and a survivor at the same time? I did think about this carefully and what occurred to me is this: YES one can be both at the same time because he or she can be a victim(in their mind) BUT a survivor(at heart). What does this mean though? How can one be a victim in their mind but a survivor in their heart? How does that happen exactly? Well for some the healing process takes longer than others but a victim starts becoming a survivor once they have accepted the fact that they did not deserve to go through what they went through, that they deserve better and they will get better but it is still a process. Often times domestic violence has a serve effect on the victim and although they know in their heart and it is apparent that God gave them the strength to leave and they are now free and have moved on in and with their ...

Many times when domestic violence is thought of it is not though of as being emotional abuse and this is where this blog stems from. It is important to understand and realize that verbal/emotional abuse is not okay. Most people who have experienced some from of verbal or emotional abuse do not even realize that it is in fact abuse because it is downplayed. A lot of definitions in the past use to only include physical abuse. It is almost important to realize the impact of emotional abuse because usually emotional abuse starts first and then physical abuse follows, it would be helpful for the victim to be able to realize signs quicker if the victim knew how serious verbal abuse is. Again, I wanted to personal speak out and say that it is NOT okay to be emotionally, verbally, mentally let alone physically abused. IF you are in a relationship with someone, it is NOT OK for them to call you out your name or disrespect you in ANY kind of way. You are nobody's b**ch, hoe, slut, etc, you...

This blog was inspired from a previous conversation that I had. For a couple of months now I have been slowly but surely become an advocate for domestic violence as well as other causes. There are many misconceptions of domestic violence. I believe in order to truly combat/stop domestic violence we have to be able to understand domestic violence as a whole. Now these are just my thoughts and opinions on the issue of domestic violence. For many, people have begun to wonder if domestic violence is something that can in fact be stopped, I have come to believe that there is a solution to every problem. I truly believe that ALL things are possible through Jesus Christ because He tells us that in His word. The problem that we face with the issue of domestic violence is NOT in people but with the way domestic violence is handled. As I mentioned previously, there are some misconceptions of domestic violence. One of the biggest misconceptions of domestic violence is that it is only physical the...