Understanding the cycle of an abuser: The key to escaping

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation.

We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan.

Let's talk about the cycle of an abuser. What is meant by learning the cycle of an abuser? In order to learn the cycle of an abuser one has to pay attention to what makes the abuser mad(keep it mind that abuse happens to men and women). What makes him/her mad, frustrated, sad, what happens before they hurt you? What times are they more likely to hurt you? For most survivors it was that one moment when they told themselves that their abuser would never hurt them again, but then once he/she did the person that was being abused left. See because it was something that made the survivor say look I have to get out of this situation. I believe it is when the survivors learn their abusers cycle and come to realize that it is just that a cycle and that their abuser is not changing, that the survivor decides to leave.

See, when one learns their abusers cycle, one begins to realize that their abuser is not changing. The most important reason why one should learn their abusers cycle is because then one will be able to tell if they are changing and if they are being truthful. Abusers ALWAYS say that they will not hurt you again, they ALWAYS cry and say how much they love you, they almost always say they hurt you because they love you and we know that this is not true. Abusers will may slow down for a minute just to make you think that they won't do it again, that is why it is important to learn the cycle.

Another important reason to learn an abusers cycle is because believe it or not they are learning and studying you. They already know what makes you mad, sad, frustrated, happy, etc they know and they feed off that! Thats how it works and the MOST important reason to learn an abusers cycle is because your LIFE depends on it. Sometimes we just have to outsmart them. If you are looking to leave your unhealthy relationship start learning your abusers cycle. Do they get mad when you do not do something the way they want it? Do they get mad when you wear certain things? Do they get mad when you talk to certain people? Pay attention to what makes them mad. Most times when you are in a unhealthy relationship it is hard to see why in fact your abuser is mad because it probably seems like they are always mad. Learning your abusers cycle will really help because it will help you be more cautious as to when something is going to happen. Pay attention to when your abuser is happy. What makes them happy? Pay attention because this will help you read between the lies that he or she  may be telling.

Now, how does learning the cycle really tie into leaving? Well, it helps you emotionally. Once you see that your abuser is not changing and you see that the cycle of abuse is continuing. You will start to see that you deserve better and you will want better. It will also help you with your plan. Everybody will have a different plan so I cannot speak on that too specifically, but I will say if you do plan on leaving, leave when he or she is not around! Learning their cycle will help you with this. When is he or she gone for the longest? Is it when they are at work? Do they work out? Do they go to bars? Do they have friends? What are your abusers interest? This will help! I pray that this helps someone I really do. God put this on my heart and I will always follow him. God is longing to help those who are dealing with abuse. Also, please reach and tell someone if you are in an abusive relationship, sometimes it helps when someone knows and is willing to help you. if you need to talk or want to share a testimony you can visit Faithful Deeds Foundation or email me at nicole@faithfuldeedsfoundation.org

I would like to end this post with a prayer for those who are wanting to leave an unhealthy relationship.
Father God, Lord Jesus I came to you tonight interceding for those who are in an unhealthy relationship and that want to be freed from it. I pray Lord that you send your angels concerning them to lead them, guide them, cover them, direct them and love them. I pray Lord that you heal them emotionally, physically, and mentally in Jesus Name. I also pray Lord that you help them to know how much you love them and to know that someone who Loves them would not hurt them purposefully. I pray Lord that you give them the strength to leave their unhealthy relationship, I pray Lord that you remove any hindrances or anything blocking them from leaving or anything blocking the blesses that you have for them. I decree and declare that all who read this shall live and not die because that is not in your plan for their life. I pray Lord that you send people in their lives who will be understanding and willing them to help them. I pray that you protect them from those in their lives with misunderstanding of their situation or that will be judgmental towards them. I pray that you protect them, their children, friends and families and that you keep your angels close to them whenever they go including their workplace. I pray all these things in your name Jesus, In Jesus Name, Amen.

God Bless You All.


  1. Thank you so much Nicole, very insightful!

    1. No problem, thank you so much for reading Caroline and taking out the time to leave a comment. God bless you.

  2. Thank you, thank you..., means more than one could know.

  3. Protect yourself and your children.....God gives you signals,which i call Gut Feeling! Sometimes his Guardian Angelssend you signs..


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