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Sunday, July 3, 2011

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS A WHOLE

This blog was inspired from a previous conversation that I had. For a couple of months now I have been slowly but surely become an advocate for domestic violence as well as other causes. There are many misconceptions of domestic violence. I believe in order to truly combat/stop domestic violence we have to be able to understand domestic violence as a whole. Now these are just my thoughts and opinions on the issue of domestic violence. For many, people have begun to wonder if domestic violence is something that can in fact be stopped, I have come to believe that there is a solution to every problem. I truly believe that ALL things are possible through Jesus Christ because He tells us that in His word. The problem that we face with the issue of domestic violence is NOT in people but with the way domestic violence is handled. As I mentioned previously, there are some misconceptions of domestic violence. One of the biggest misconceptions of domestic violence is that it is only physical therefore most victims feel that they are not a victim because it has not happened to them physically. Domestic violence is emotional, mental and physical abuse. What also needs to be understood is that domesitc violence is a cycle, at times it starts off small and increases. A man or a woman may verbally abuse someone and then it will increase to threats and then actually physical beating etc.

Domestic Violence is NOT something that should be taken lightly, if you are with someone who calls you out your name, tells you will never be anything, tells you that you will never be anything without them, they are the only ones who truly love you, tries to isolate you from your family and friends, always wants to know where you are going and with whom you are going, always wants to know who you are talking to, threatens to put his/her hands on you, threatens to kill you or make your life miserable, hits you(they will always say it will never happen again, please take proper precautions), swings at you, yells and hits walls, yells and at you and tries to embarass you in public, please try to talk to someone to get some help. I tried to name as many possible signs and warnings as because there are many of them.

Another big misconception is that domestic violence only happens to women, this is not true. Although majority of domestic violence incidents do happen to women there is an increase in the domestic violence incidents occurring in men. There are both women and men who suffer from this and they hide it. Some people you may never know because they are told not to tell anyway, they are threatening, they are scared, etc but we have to pay attention to the signs. This could be your mother, father, brother, sister, cousin, niece, nephew, auntie, uncle, yes even your grandparents! Do not be afraid to talk to your family AND friends about domestic violence. I also know that most of the time domestic violence is seen between men and women but I also include family violence in a sub category of domestic violence. There is parent and adult child, you have uncle and brother, there are no limits when it comes to domestic violence. Please pay attention to actions of others maybe you know someone who was always happy or always outspoken but now they are quiet, they don't come out much. It may or may not be a case of domestic violence but we never know if we never try to find out.

The biggest thing that I wanted to address was combating/ending domestic violence as a whole. The ultimate goal is to put an end to domestic violence. We have all kind of individuals, organizations and shelters working together to raise awareness, help victims and survivors and to try to stop domestic violence period. There is one problem though, sometimes NOT all the time when we think of a domestic violence dispute we tend to come down on the abuser, we down talk them and talk about how bad they are and how they will never amount to anything. This is a BIG problem now I am definitely NOT saying that we should praise them, no, not at all but what we should do is to encourage them to get some help. Why should we encourage them to get some help? Because that would help better put an end to domestic violence as a WHOLE. We are already helping the victims and survivors and they are some organizations, therapists, etc out there that work with victims but most of the time its probably mandated, court ordered etc.

Please allow me to encourage you to think about somethings. Lets say a victim flees his/her abuser they get help now they are a survivor. What if they didn't file charges or get a restraining order? Then that abuser is still on the lose he may not come for that same person instead he may go after another. Then lets say the victim/survivor did get a restraining order depending on how extreme the abuser is he may not care about the restraining order and still go after the victim and whoever else he is going after. Let me say this before I continue on it is true that abusers are not brutal to everyone in their lives, so guess what? That lets me know there there is something that needs to be address, there is a hope but there is an underlying issue in the abusers life, it did not happen overnight. Now I have used a few examples regarding a restraining order and I definitely think restraining orders are necessary please do not think that I do not believe that but what I am saying is although we want to do the right thing, things don't always happen that way and we must be prepared. Because although someone gets put in jail for domestic violence if they don't get a life sentence changes are eventually they will be back in the community, some may even try to flee.

Here is what I am suggesting if there is to be a restraining order at least there should be some kind of requirement that the abuser seek some kind of help because just giving them a restraining order is not going to help them(the abuser) it may help the victim but what about the abuser? The abuser has not change, again they may not go after the abuser but they may go after someone else. If the abuser gets time in jail they should be getting some kind of help, maybe there should be a facility for just abuser. I do believe it is some kind of sickness and they need help. We must remember that we do not fight flesh with flesh but by the spirit. The abusers spirit has been attacked and we must still pray for them and that Gods will be done in their life we must believe that there is still hope for those that are still alive.

I do not think that we combat/end domestic violence as a whole if we do not help everyone involved in the situation(victim, survivor, abuser and their families).We all have issues in our life that we need help with we must just continue to pray for others. I hope that this blesses or inspire someone it was just something that was on my heart today.

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