DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AS A WHOLE

Dear Survivor, I hope this message finds you at the right time in your life. It's been a while since I have wrote on this blog, but I am always grateful for all of you who still read and keep up with this particular blog. I have a very important message on my heart. It is one that God has placed on my heart this week and that message is that it is time to heal. This is only goes for you, but it  goes for me as well. It is time for us to heal and allow ourselves to be free to be ourselves again as well as to love and be loved. Now I know some people may feel like they have already healed. I felt that way too, but sometimes we are only temporarily or half way healed. The moment that we keep replaying our situation and it brings us down instead of uplifting us, that is a sign that we are not yet healed. The moment when we try to begin a new relationship or endeavor, but the memories of the past begin to haunt us and hold us back, then we are not healed yet. The moment we fee...

I wake up to the sound of him walking around the room. I assume that something is going to happen soon. He could get hit me, he could curse me; he could seriously hurt me if he dares. He drags me out the bed and out the room. My heart is hurting, my mind is pounding, and I’ve got to get out of here soon. He begins to attempt to sedate me so that he can rape me But I noticed that silence fills the room. Do I not have any cry in me left or have I lost my voice? I’m tired of screaming and shouting only for my cries to go unnoticed. Only for my tears to just dry up while I’m being ignored but being silent keeps me in a prison. I have no one to turn too but I also haven’t really turned to anyone Because every time someone gets close to me, I allow the threats of this fool to disturb my cool. So I’m no longer cool, instead I’m warm feeling unloved and torn apart. As he attempts to rape me I think to myself, dare I be silent? Or should I dare to make a noise...

One of my favorite sayings and one that I came up with myself is "As advocates we should seek to understand more than we seek to be understood".  As a new and aspiring advocate I do not want to assume or come off as thinking that I know everything there is to know about domestic violence or any other causes for that matter.  I see statistics all the time, but I am not really big on statistics. I am big on testimonies and learning about other peoples struggle and how they overcame. Because of that, I have created a survey in order to understand better the emotional affects of domestic violence. I would like to hear from you, if you would like to share. Let it be known that I do not want to turn this into statistics that is not what this is about, I just want to hear from people who have actually been through it.  I have been through it myself, but in the process of wanting to help others, I also want to understand them. I realize that every situation is different ...

In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to take the time out as a survivor to give back to those who still may be going through a domestic abuse situation or just an unhealthy relationship or situation period. While I do not have money to give, etc one thing I do have is faith, prayer, and HOPE. Because it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to speak to the victims of Domestic Violence. Some times this is the hardest to do, but it is time for us as survivors and advocates to really speak from our hearts to the victims hearts. We don't need to be judgmental because we need to come from that place of understanding, if fact, we do come from that place of understanding because we KNOW and UNDERSTAND what they have went through because WE went through it too. We must not forget, we have to remember how we felt when we were going through it in order to TRY to understand what they are feeling, in order to try to understand why they haven't left yet, in or...

Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand. Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does br...

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation. We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan. Let's t...

Lastnight/Early this morning, a song popped in my head that I had not heard in  a long time. This song reminded me of something that I went through and something that I know a lot of people experience. After going back and reading the lyrics to the song, I started to research the group who made the song only to find out that one of the members had been in a domestic violence relationship. The reason why I researched the group was because I know that this group was ALWAYS real with their music and if they made a song about something it was usually something that they had experienced in their life. The group happened to be TLC and the song is titled "Unpretty" which is the title of this blog. The member who had the experience with domestic violence was T-BOZ. I would first like to post the lyrics to the song so that you can read them. So you can see how it tells the story of domestic violence in the form of emotional abuse. At times, it is good to actually read the lyrics of th...

I feel like I don't have anything left, not even the shirt on my back. I have no one to turn to as I lay here uneasy without feeling,without knowing who I am anymore. Somebody took that away from me, when they decided they wanted to lay with me. No remorse,they had their way with me. They didn't even stop to think if they were hurting me, It didn't matter to him, he only wanted me. I couldn't even scream, is this how its suppose to be? The first time a man decides to lay with me? Tears roll down my eyes, but even they got tired of being..no more tears..all dried up..its just my blood and me..man how could somebody who called themselves a MAN..do that to me. One thing I learned though is to pray for my enemies. This life isn't promise to him or me but to do what he did,I knew God had a plan for me. To rise up and become stronger than I knew I needed to be. No it didn't happened that fast,it took about 3 yrs for me. Treatment facilities, she...