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Showing posts with the label emotional abuse

Testimony Tuesdays: Anti Domestic Violence Advocate Nicole C. Lofton Shares Her Story Of Domestic Violence/Emotional Abuse

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Hello Everyone, It has been a while since I have written on this blog. I just wanted to thank you all for all of your support over the years. It is because of you all that this blog still gets as many readers, comments, and support as it does. I truly cherish all of you. I want to talk about the importance of sharing our stories. I believe this is especially important for Domestic Violence Survivors because we are know to suffer in silence. The more we stay silence, the more we keep ourselves from healing and the longer we neglect to bless someone else who may be going through Domestic Violence. We overcome for sharing of our testimonies.   Yesterday, I shared my testimony is some details probably the most detailed I ever had publicly. It was very freeing and I know it will be a blessing to someone. I went live on Facebook for the first time ever. I shed light on emotional abuse as domestic violence is often viewed as only physical, but people need to understand that emotional abuse is

Shattering The Silence On Domestic Violence( A discussion about domestic violence) on "Ask Pastor Deb"

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Pastor Debra Wadlington and Nicole Lofton Hey Everyone!  On April 29th 2018, I was blessed to be a guest host on Pastor Debra Wadlington 's radio show " Ask Pastor Deb ".  Pastor Deb is a domestic violence survivor as well as a recovery coach. Coversations on the topic of domestic violence are very important because there are a lot of misconceptions on the topic. Together Pastor Deb and I touched  on some of the myths. Below is the recording, feel free to share your thoughts. Thank you all in advance for listening! Nicole Lofton  Certifid Biblical Life Coach and Founder of Faithful Deeds Foundation Nicole@faithfuldeedsfoundation.org                                             

30 Signs Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship(Infographic)

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This Infographic was made and sent to me by Law Offices of Randy Collins, I think this is a great infographic so I decided to share, if you would like to put it on your blog, website, etc please visit their site at  https://domestic-violence-law.com/30-signs-of-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship/#forward Courtesy of Law Offices Of Randy Collins

You Have A Voice That Deserves To Be Heard!

Are you a survivor that has a story to tell? Are you living in silence out of fear or judgement? The truth is that we all have a story and we all deserve to be heard. Another truth is that your story can help someone else. Many times we go through things so that God can use us to bless someone else. Our pain has purpose. I believe in testimonies, I believe that the power of a testimony is very strong. When you decide to tell your story, you not only help someone else, but you begin to release the hurt and the pain that you have held inside all of these years. Once you see how your story is impacting others, you will begin to feel better and you will also learn that you are not alone. A lot of times when we go through situations we feel like we are alone because we probably have not met someone that went through what we are going through or simply because we are living in silence. I seek to have a platform for those who feel like they do not have a voice. I encourage you to shar

Words Can Do More Than Hurt, They Can Damage

"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me" How many of you remember quoting this? I remember as a little kids learning this phrase from someone at school and then chanting it myself. How soon, do we find that this is absolutely far from the truth? In fact, words could possibly do more damage than a stick could depending on the situation. I think how many times I have been or heard stories about people who have been scarred from some words that were said to them. Even sometimes, we hurt people with out words. I think about how many people especially when it comes to relationships have been told something disrespectful and believed it. Sometimes they believe to the point that they becomes someone else or they shut down. Being told that you are ugly, fat, too skinny, stupid, dumb, or even worst than that you really damage someone. While some people can quickly overcome hearing things like this, it takes others a long time. If you pay attention to any

No Excuse For Abuse

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Before I get started on the subject for today's blog, I first want to thank all of my readers. You all are my inspiration. Thank you for always reading, commenting, and sharing. I believe that it is because of you that this blog was chosen and listed as one of the  Top 101 domestic violence resources on Social Work Degree.Net . I cannot tell you how much that meant to me especially to be among the top domestic violence organizations and sites that even I look up too. I haven't written in a while so I did want to update you on that and again to say thank you. Now, for the subject of today's post. I have been thinking about this topic a lot lately and it was really on my heart this morning. It is amazing to me how many excuses that I hear and read when it comes to the subject of domestic violence. So many times I read and hear that women and/or men deserved to be hit. Although we should not provoke one another to anger, violence is simply NOT the answer. Just because

The Emotional Effects of Domestic Violence(Survey)

One of my favorite sayings and one that I came up with myself is "As advocates we should seek to understand more than we seek to be understood".  As a new and aspiring advocate I do not want to assume or come off as thinking that I know everything there is to know about domestic violence or any other causes for that matter.  I see statistics all the time, but I am not really big on statistics. I am big on testimonies and learning about other peoples struggle and how they overcame. Because of that, I have created a survey in order to understand better the emotional affects of domestic violence. I would like to hear from you, if you would like to share. Let it be known that I do not want to turn this into statistics that is not what this is about, I just want to hear from people who have actually been through it.  I have been through it myself, but in the process of wanting to help others, I also want to understand them. I realize that every situation is different and handl

Prayer Is The Key: Join us in praying for those in crisis

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As advocates, survivors, people of faith, or just people who want change period, there is only so much that we can do but we cannot do it alone. Prayer is the key because faith without work is dead and vice versa. We have to intercede for those are going through a crisis. As we know this month (October) is National Breast Cancer, Bullying, and Awareness month, I would like to ask you all to join me in prayer every night this month at 9pm CT or whenever you can but preferably at night. Why at night? I believe that at night, as we wind down and have time to think, that is when our thoughts most consume us. Night Time is also the most loneliest and scariest for some. Let us be intercessors not only this month but period. I created this event on Evite ( Prayer for Those in Crisis ) feel free to let us know if you will be joining us in prayer. God Bless you all, Nicole Lofton (@NicoleCherese) on Twitter Founder of F.A.C.E. I.T. (@faceitorg) on Twitter

The Last Time You Cry

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In Honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to take the time out as a survivor to give back to those who still may be going through a domestic abuse situation or just an unhealthy relationship or situation period. While I do not have money to give, etc one thing I do have is faith, prayer, and HOPE. Because it is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I wanted to speak to the victims of Domestic Violence. Some times this is the hardest to do, but it is time for us as survivors and advocates to really speak from our hearts to the victims hearts. We don't need to be judgmental because we need to come from that place of understanding, if fact, we do come from that place of understanding because we KNOW and UNDERSTAND what they have went through because WE went through it too. We must not forget, we have to remember how we felt when we were going through it in order to TRY to understand what they are feeling, in order to try to understand why they haven't left yet, in or

NFL Domestic Violence Petition

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Many of you may have or may not have noticed a petition going around that says something like " Let's get the NFL to wear purple in honor of Domestic Violence " I would like to take some time out to explain a little more about the petition. As some of you may know my name is Nicole Lofton and I am the founder of Faithful Deeds Foundation  I am also the creator of the NFL Domestic Violence petition . I realize that there as been some talk about whether this petition was the right thing to do, some people say that I am leaving out all the other sports league that may have players that have been involved in Domestic Violence incidents, some say that the NFL is not important when it comes to Domestic Violence, some say that my argument is not valid and well some say that it is simply just a waste of time.  Well, today I am here to address and respond to those concerns. You see first and foremost, I would like to make the statement that this petition is NOT a

When People Don't Believe You

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Have you ever been going through something that you held in for a long time, but once you finally told somebody about it, they did not believe you? If you have experienced this, then you can relate to what a lot of people that have experienced domestic violence have gone through. Many times it is hard for a person that has experienced domestic violence to reach out to someone. Most times people won't believe them. The most common reason that people say they do not believe a person is because they did not speak out about it before hand. Here is a scenario: Let's say that there is a woman who is in a abusive relationship with her husband. Lets say that he emotionally, financially, and physically abuses her everyday. The woman has drifted off and does not associate with her family and friends as much as she use to because of the abuse. Her friends and family say that she is acting funny because she is married. They have no idea what she is going through and when she does br

Understanding the cycle of an abuser: The key to escaping

It has been a while since I wrote a blog post, but this one will definitely be a very sensitive and serious one. I realize that there are many people in domestic violence situations that actually do want to get out (contrary to popular belief), but that just don't know how or feel like they do not have any support. If you are one of those people who feel like you do not have any support, I want to first let you know that you will ALWAYS have God. God can and will rescue you from ANY situation. We often hear about the cycle of abuse, that is one thing that is talked about more now than ever, but what we rarely hear about is the cycle of the abuser. Now, some may say that the cycle of the abuser is similar or the same to the cycle of abuse, but that is not so(at least I don't think so ). I think there are two important keys to being able to leave an unhealthy or abusive relationship, one is to learn and know the cycle of an abuser and the second is to have a plan. Let's t

UNPRETTY

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Lastnight/Early this morning, a song popped in my head that I had not heard in  a long time. This song reminded me of something that I went through and something that I know a lot of people experience. After going back and reading the lyrics to the song, I started to research the group who made the song only to find out that one of the members had been in a domestic violence relationship. The reason why I researched the group was because I know that this group was ALWAYS real with their music and if they made a song about something it was usually something that they had experienced in their life. The group happened to be TLC and the song is titled "Unpretty" which is the title of this blog. The member who had the experience with domestic violence was T-BOZ. I would first like to post the lyrics to the song so that you can read them. So you can see how it tells the story of domestic violence in the form of emotional abuse. At times, it is good to actually read the lyrics of th

Can one be a victim and a survivor at the same time?

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As I was sitting back thinking about domestic violence as a whole and the healing process that one has to go through. I started thinking to myself, can one be a victim and a survivor at the same time? I did think about this carefully and what occurred to me is this: YES one can be both at the same time because he or she can be a victim(in their mind) BUT a survivor(at heart). What does this mean though? How can one be a victim in their mind but a survivor in their heart? How does that happen exactly? Well for some the healing process takes longer than others but a victim starts becoming a survivor once they have accepted the fact that they did not deserve to go through what they went through, that they deserve better and they will get better but it is still a process. Often times domestic violence has a serve effect on the victim and although they know in their heart and it is apparent that God gave them the strength to leave and they are now free and have moved on in and with their

Emotional Abuse Is Domestic Violence and it is NOT ok.

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Many times when domestic violence is thought of it is not though of as being emotional abuse and this is where this blog stems from. It is important to understand and realize that verbal/emotional abuse is not okay. Most people who have experienced some from of verbal or emotional abuse do not even realize that it is in fact abuse because it is downplayed. A lot of definitions in the past use to only include physical abuse. It is almost important to realize the impact of emotional abuse because usually emotional abuse starts first and then physical abuse follows, it would be helpful for the victim to be able to realize signs quicker if the victim knew how serious verbal abuse is. Again, I wanted to personal speak out and say that it is NOT okay to be emotionally, verbally, mentally let alone physically abused. IF you are in a relationship with someone, it is NOT OK for them to call you out your name or disrespect you in ANY kind of way. You are nobody's b**ch, hoe, slut, etc, you